The returning Pilgrim

When I first walked the Camino de Santiago in 2014, I had no idea what I was in for. I had struggled to regain mobility after a battle with Lyme's disease and spent the previous year caring for my ailing mother during her battle with breast cancer. I remember the time before this first Camino as the most difficult and dark time in my life.

Mom must have known I needed a reset

She walked into the living room one day, handed me a guide book, a plane ticket and a camera. Two days later I was in France.

Mom had asked me to document the journey because she wasn't well enough to join me.

I had no idea what was in store for me when I arrived. My pack weighed 80lbs (nearly 40% of my body weight), and I hadn't even packed a first aid kit. The first day is also the most challenging of the hike, and had me questioning not only my sanity, but ability to even get through the first stage, let alone the 800+ kilometers that lie ahead!

Somehow, by Grace, I was able to persevere. Putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. Gradually the beauty of the experience took over as I followed these small yellow arrows across the border of France and Spain, and over mountain ranges, through deserts, cities, and small towns.

The new rhythm of life was my feet, my breath, my heartbeat. My days were measured in rays of sun and long shadows- rather than by productivity.

Parts of me that had been locked away, and hurting for years, were able to find rest. Gradually, I felt myself healing from the tremors of the world, in ways that I had never thought possible.

50 days on the camino did more for me than 15 years of therapy had.

Mom's cancer had improved by the time I made it to Sarria, so she joined me for the last 100k into Santiago. We made wonderful memories that I cherish to this day. Dad, not one to miss out on the fun, met us in Santiago and proposed walking to the ocean at Finisterre. We did, and we didn't regret it! I feel so blessed to have been able to spend this time with my parents as an adult. A few years later, after my mom died, I found myself in the depths of a wallowing depression. The only thing that I thought might help was returning to the Way. I grabbed a ticket back to Spain like I was grabbing a life preserver, and walked agin in 2018. There were many tears, much beauty, and a feeling of being held that I'd never known before. It was a defining moment in my life.

Now, in 2022 I get to return again, with my husband- my love.

The Camino is magical- always showing up in the ways that you'd never expect and couldn't plan for if you tried. It is always, somehow, for each pilgrim, exactly what they need.

There is a pilgrim saying, old as the ages, in Latin: Ultreia et Suseia. Loosely translated it means seek, and keep seeking. I am so excited to be returning to the Camino once more and know that I'll seek and keep seeking because of what it has taught me. It is this posture that makes me a pilgrim, this posture that keeps me coming back, and one I hope to hang on to the rest of my life.